Lost Friendships Part 2

I have to be honest; it’s been a struggle trying to figure out exactly what to say with this post.  Not because the second woman isn’t important because she is, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing about her.  It’s more so difficult because I simply don’t know where to start, but I suppose the best place to start is the beginning.

I met lovely woman number two online on a website called Gaia Online.  If you’re a roleplayer, you’ll more than likely know of the place, but if not I’d suggest checking it out because it can be an interesting hangout.  Either way, I was indeed a roleplayer and was looking for a final member for my group roleplay and then I came across woman number two who I will refer to as “O” for her middle name.  She was a very talented writer, a terrific roelplayer and best of all, she played male roles!  I had to have her and after a bit of communication, I got her!  She played the part perfectly and as we roleplayed together; we also got closer as friends.  We branched off from the single group roleplay and expanded to numerous one-on-one roleplays.  We moved from Gaia to another roleplaying website and from there we decided to create our own.

We were a great team, not only as admins and roleplay partners, but as friends.  She was ALWAYS there for me no matter what.  We exchanged phone numbers and text one another all the time.  We even sent one another morning text messages wishing the other to have a great day.  She was my rock–especially around my wedding when the shit started hitting the fan with R.  O told me that if she lived closer to me that she would have taken R’s place in the wedding, that she would be there for me and I knew that she would have been.  She did what she could from where she was and I will always be eternally grateful to her for that.  O was wonderful and I couldn’t say enough kind things about her because she was one of the greatest friends had ever had.

So, what changed?  I went on my honeymoon and still continued to text her on a daily basis despite that.  She was having marriage troubles and I wanted to be there for her like she was there for me.  While I was away something else started to happen too, something I couldn’t stop.  We had brought on a new moderator on our forum and she slowly started to become closer with him.  They started calling one another on, from my understanding, a daily basis.  When I got back from my honeymoon, things just seemed different than they were before.  She seemed more distant and the more distant she seemingly became, the more clingy and desperate I became.  Now, if she was actually growing farther away from me, I’m not sure, but that’s how it had felt.  I wanted to hold onto my friend so desperately; I guess I started to change without realizing I was doing it.

One day while there was a discussion going on between staff members of the forum, her new found friend (the one I thought had been replacing me) and I got into an argument.  He insulted me and that was about at my breaking point.  I snapped and went off of him and then went to O for comfort, which is not what I got.  Instead of the comfort I needed, I was told that I was wrong in the matter and that I had overreacted.  Did I overreact?  I’m not sure because I know for a fact that I am not the only one who has a problem with this guy–to this day others still talk down about him because of his arrogant attitude.  We got into a huge argument and she told me that she no longer wanted to have a friendship with me, that she thought we should solely remain “business partners.”  I don’t exactly remember what else she said about me, so I won’t try to repeat it here, but what I can tell you is that it hurt.  It broke my heart into tiny pieces and what was worse, I had also lost my other best friend, R, so you can only imagine what kind of state I was in.

I lay on my bed crying my eyes out for hours as I tried to convince her to talk to me, but it was no use.  Our friendship ended that day and yet to this day I still care about her and I still care about R.

As much as it pains me to talk about these two women, it also makes me very happy.  That may sound insane, but it’s the absolute truth.  By writing these posts I am able to relive the good times we had together and though things didn’t work out and there were bad times, I love them both dearly and they’ll always have a place in my heart.  So, what about you, dear readers?  What should you do when you feel as if a friendship is crumbling and there’s no way to stop it?  Here are my suggestions:

Buy Tissues:  No, I’m not joking.  If you care about the person as much as you think you do, you’ll cry…a lot, but that’s not a bad thing.  Having a good cry can be very therapeutic and you can get your feelings out.  Even you guys out there!  It’s honestly okay to cry, you’re suffering, let it all out.

Pillow Talk:  Scream into your pillow.  I’m not kidding, it helps.  Screaming seems to let you release your frustrations.  I don’t know why, but this is something I learned when I was a very young child and it’s always been helpful to me.

Write:  I don’t know about you guys, but writing helps me just relax–especially when I’m getting things out of my head.  It doesn’t have to make sense, just write it all out.  Write how you feel, how you’re hurt, betrayed or what have you.  Just write.

Distract Yourself:  If you don’t like writing, find something else to distract yourself with.  Play a video game, paint, go boxing–just distract yourself from thinking about the situation.  De-stress yourself and think things through, maybe there will be a way to patch things up.

Other Friends:  Seriously, you have other friends even if you don’t realize it.  Go spend some time with them, they’ll cheer you up.  Go out for lunch with one of them or maybe just hang out at the house.  It’s better to be with someone rather than to be alone.

Remember the Good:  Always remember the good times rather than the bad.  It may hurt at first, but you don’t want to make yourself bitter over the situation and hold a grudge.

The Grudge:  You don’t want to become some creepy ghost haunting your home, right?  Well, it’s best not to hold a grudge toward the person.  Just let it be and let it go.  There are no positive outcomes from holding onto a grudge against the person or the situation–it just causes unnecessary stress.

Those are my tips and those come straight from experience.  You have to remember that every person is different, so maybe the above tips won’t help in your situation.  So tell me, readers, have you ever lost a friend and if so, what did you do to get over it?  Leave me a comment letting me know how you get over hard times with friends.

Oh, before I go, I do want to send a message to both the women that I’ve talked about in the previous posts:

I apologize if there was anything that I did wrong in the past, but I am only human and know that I was not the only one who made a mistake.  I hope that you know that you hurt me, but I do forgive you.  I still care for you both and you’ll both always have a place in my heart.  Remember that I will always be there for you when and if you need me.  If you would like to try rekindling our friendship, I’d be open for that.  If you’re reading this, you probably know how to contact me.  Best wishes to you both; I hope you’re doing well.

 

Photo Credit:  T-Shirt Outlet