Kissing Your Kids
I was watching an episode of Law and Order: SVU the other day and during the episode, Detective Stabler’s daughter decided she didn’t want to kiss him on the lips when leaving to go out to dinner with her mother and siblings. He seemed very distressed by this and it was then that I realized that he had kissed all of his other children on the lips before they had left the house. I’ve thought on this topic on and off throughout the years because, to me, I always found it odd when children and parents kiss on the lips.
Now, I realize that it’s not a romantic kiss, but rather one of affection, but this was not something that was practiced in my family so I’ve always found this practice a bit off. According to my husband is it actually rather common, so I thought that I would present this topic to all of you so I can see how common this actually is. This also got me to thinking as to whether or not there are positive and/or negative effects for kissing your children on the lips when they’re younger.
I cannot help but wonder if kissing one’s child on the lips encourages them to show affection. Maybe they show affection easier than others. I have to admit that I’m not huge on showing affection and part of me is curious as to it is due to not having that sort of affection when I was younger. Don’t get me wrong, my parents and family showed me a lot of affection, but I don’t remember every kissing either on the lips.
On the flip side, does kissing one’s child on the lips cause any negative affects? Perhaps they’re too affectionate and are the ones who push things just a little too far. This is all just questions and speculation, mind you, because I honestly have no idea and this is the first I’ve ever had any deep thought on the subject. It’s something I’m curious about, so let me turn it over to you, readers.
Let’s Chat!:
Do/did you, as a parent, ever kiss your children on the lips when they were younger? Were you kissed on the lips by your parents when you were younger and do you think it had an effect on you? If so, was it positive or negative?
Leave a comment letting me know your thoughts! I’ll either respond to your comment below or address your comment in a new post.
Don’t forget to subscribe to keep updated with Familial Ramblings via Email updates or RSS feed.
Photo Credit: Anna Trinchera
Posted on July 6, 2012 by Felicia
Nah, I don’t think so….
A. Kashyap recently posted..Some more cue stick manufacturers
I can kind of see this from both sides. As a child I would of hated it if my parents kissed me in front of people and my friends would of made comments about it. However as a parent you have that connection that you can get with no one else so it would be hard to know that your child had grown up and no longer want to kiss you. I am still young and I make my mum very happy whenever I just hug my mother. She is very emotional and I hug her to make her better and it seems that it works
Roach recently posted..How to get article ideas for your blog
Yeah, I could totally see it from both sides as to why a kid wouldn’t want to be kissed on the lips especially in public. I think it really depends on the family though and what their preferred method is to showing affection.
I was kissed on the lips by my parents when I was growing up. Now that I’m older it’s kisses on the cheek between them and me. I have two young kids (2 & 3), and we do kisses on the lips. I’m sure that as they get older we’ll move to cheek kisses, but for now we’re comfortable with what we’re doing.
Stoping in from SITS. Have a great weekend!
Jenny recently posted..Happy Independence Day {A Little Late}
Thanks for stopping by, Jenny! I think that kissing children on the lips is something more families do than I thought!
I grew up kissing my parents and gran on the lips, and sometimes close aunts and uncles too. In my culture it’s very common. I still kiss them on the lips, although sometimes I kiss them on the cheek. My 14 y/o brother only kisses on the cheek nowadays.
I don’t find that it’s made us “too” affectionate – for example, once an old friend of my mother’s tried to kiss me in greeting, and because I didn’t know her I refused.
I also think that it’s possible good for the kids’ immune system. It adds to the “germ theory”, which states that children who were not too protected from the environment suffer fewer allergies. But that’s still only a theory.
Anycase, yeah. I don’t think it’s “right” or “wrong” – it’s just our way.
BarefootMedStudent recently posted..Pouring My Heart Out: Med Student, Y U no do holiday job?
Thank you for sharing! I’m always interested to hear about other people’s cultures and about the different traditions and practices. I have heard bits and pieces on the “germ theory” and it’s something I hope to learn more about in the near future.
I never kissed my parents on the lips growing up and always thought it was weird. Until, I met my husband. He kisses his mom on the lips and I thought it was strange, but when I had my kids we do give them little kisses on the mouth. My husband is not strange and it didn’t affect him in a negative way. Actually, he is an amazing father and very affectionate. I couldn’t have a better man to be the father of my kids
But I can see the other side, because I used to be on it. I actually am moving to kissing my oldest on the cheek just because now she is getting older.
Jess recently posted..To See or Not to See? That was the question. {Magic Mike}
That’s the same way it was with me, Jess. Apparently this is a practice that happened in my husband’s family as well, while with mine it just didn’t.
In Japan they have different words for the different kisses. I don’t know most of them, but I do know that a kiss between a child and a parent is “Chu Chu.” It’s just not the same as a kiss between lovers or even friends.
I have always kissed my parents on the lips and thought nothing of it. I still do. My kids are the same. Some times it’s the cheek, but they all still kiss me on the mouth. My father came from a family that rarely showed affection and he said he always yearned for it. When he met my Mom’s family, he was amazed to see that they were all so affectionate with each other. They sat on her Daddy’s lap, and hugged and kissed him. It was one of the things that he admired most about her and her family. He new that was the way he wanted it to be with his kids. Even after growing up with such love, I find myself forgetting to be affectionate with my children and they have to ask for it. I guess I took after my Father’s parents. But I know they love it, and so I do it!
It’s what works best for your family that counts though, as long as the kids know they are loved.
Ranch Mama recently posted..A Ranch Mama ~ Nursery Rhyme
Oh, I have to say, I love baby kisses on the mouth! I have a portrait of my son kissing me with his big open mouth slobbery baby kiss. They only do it like that as babies. I could eat that up! They just want to kiss and kiss and kiss! (At least my kids do) It’s so funny!
Ranch Mama recently posted..A Ranch Mama ~ Nursery Rhyme
Haha, aww! That’s so cute! I’m interested to see what ends up happening when I have children if they’ll be that affectionate.
That’s really interesting, Ranch Mama, thank you for sharing your culture with us! I completely agree with you as well that it really boils down to what works with your family and as long as your children know that you love them, that’s all that really matters in the end.
Growing up in the 70′s my family kissed on the lips. It sure seems creepy now. I have a new little niece born this year. It seems natural to want to kiss her on the cheek (not the lips), but then I think do I want to give her my germs and don’t. I think culturally attitudes have changed over the years.
Stopping by from SITS
Savvy Working Gal recently posted..How not to lose your cool while manager screams at you
I have to agree with you that it’s hugely a cultural attitude. I would also think that people would want to avoid doing it because, like you said, germs can be passed along and you really don’t want that happening. Thanks for stopping by!
I know plenty of people who do kiss this way, but it was never the done thing in our family, which is probably why I find it a little confronting. If my kids when very young have done it, I’ve just gone with it, but in time, I think they realise it’s not really the ‘style’ of our family, lol!
Yeah, this wasn’t a practice in my family so I never really understood it, I guess you could say. I remember the first time I saw someone kiss their child on the lips, I was so confused, lol.
I’ve kissed my parents and close family members on the lips before, not often or lately though, mainly when I was little. when I have kids, I’ll most likely kiss them on the cheek or forehead, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable kissing them on the lips.
I don’t think there are things good or bad directly related to kissing though, but I suppose amount of affection you show could play a small role in it.
I don’t recall the SVU episode you’re referring to, but how did Stabler react exactly? Did he say anything, do anything?
Maybe it was just my household that didn’t do the kissing on the lips thing, lol. I don’t know, just the thought of it makes me uncomfortable and when I have children, like you, I think I’ll just stick to the cheeks or forehead. You never know though, so we’ll see what happens.
I can’t for the life of me remember what the episode was called, but Stabler was really upset when his daughter didn’t give him a kiss like his other children. I think it upset him because she was “pulling away,” or distancing herself from him. Later in the episode before she went to a dance she did end up giving him a kiss (I can’t remember if it was on the lips or just on the cheek), but he seemed happy, which makes me think it wasn’t so much that she didn’t kiss him on the lips as she didn’t kiss him at all. I’ll have to keep a look out for the episode to come on again to see what it was called.
I do this is my family – not regularly – but it’s been done. And it’s not something I really think about. Sometimes lips go/went to cheeks, sometimes lips go/went to lips. It’s always just been an ordinary thing to me – no big deal. No negative or positive effects really.
We don’t do it in my family much nor too often, because well, its not in our traditions to so yeah. Asian parents rarely bestow affections to their kids, more often than not, administrate beatings & abuse.
That’s interesting because my cousin married an Asian woman who is very affectionate toward her children and I believe that’s how it is in her family. I’ve never heard of any sort of “beatings” or “abuse.” Perhaps it’s not all Asian cultures.
Perhaps or mayhap you’re right on spot with it. Because in my family, my dad gets abrasive often & soo angry, throws tamper tantrums & hissy fits every nao & then, which makes it very very difficult for me to get on with him, or to get along with him at all. I can’t stand him in fact, but I think he might be the rare bird in his case. So you think I should report him, Felicia?
I can’t really give you a “yes” or “no” answer to your question considering I don’t actually know your situation nor do I know where you’re from or the laws/policies there. In the end, it’s really up to you as to whether or not you report him.
He doth sometimes slap me across my face & hit on my head & etc. I can’t suffer him at all or be with him, don’t get on with him at all. So yeah, its a form of abuse of some sort no?
Naiwen, if you feel you are being abused, yes, you may want to consider contacting your local authorities and reporting it.
Thanks for sharing, Jem! I thought and thought, but I can never remember a time where I’ve ever kissed any relatives on the lips. It was always cheeks for us as far as I know.