What the @#$%!
You never really know what’s going to come out of a child’s mouth. It could be something silly, it could be something gross or it could be the dreaded swear word that you didn’t know your child even knew. What do you do when your child(ren) curses? Do you quickly cover their mouth, tell them not to say that, wash their mouth out with soap, or maybe you just ignore it. I was hopping around different blog communities lately and one of the topics of conversation was swearing on blogs. It kind of surprised me that people are so averse to it and will actually click away if they see even the smallest bit of swearing. This all got me thinking about children swearing and if it was acceptable, whether or not parents should punish their children for swearing, and if parents swear around their children.
Thanks to my husband who has strong feelings on this subject, I was able to find a couple of articles that I found to be very interesting on the subject of children swearing that were able to shine some light on the subject. According to Timothy Jay, a researching of psycholinguistics and obscenities at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts, “Kids say swear words as soon as they talk” (Pappas, 2012), which is something I actually have to agree with. Despite popular belief, children don’t learn how to swear from watching television and video games; they learn it from being around other people: their parents, siblings, friends a preschool, other family members, etc. As Jay stated, “Little kids are like language vacuum cleaners” (Pappas, 2012) they pick things up from wherever they are and considering when your child is young, I highly doubt you allow them to watch “teen-TV” let alone “adult-TV” and they are more likely to watch SpongeBob Squarepants in which swearing does not exist (to my knowledge), they’re picking it up from somewhere else. “But I don’t swear!” You’re saying. Think back to one day where you stubbed your toe really hard and that curse slipped out of your mouth so fast you didn’t even realize you said it. Yeah, your child was there too.
Another thing that I found it fascinating on the website didn’t come from the article itself, but one of the comments that was left, “My toddlers don’t swear,” which made me almost literally burst out laughing. Just because you don’t hear your children swear, doesn’t mean that they don’t do it. At a young age, you learn when to say things and when not to; though, sometimes you may slip-up and end up swearing in front of your parents which makes them turn as white as a ghost—especially if you’re in public. Children aren’t as naïve, I don’t think, as people make them out to be. Children are observers—they watch their siblings or other children get in trouble when they curse, so they know not to do it in front of others, more specifically their parents. But the question still remains: why try to hide swearing from your children? Why should they hide it from you that they know these words? What is so bad about cursing?
Let’s Chat!
How do you—or how do you think you would—react if/when your child(ren) swear? Do you believe swearing is bad or acceptable? Why or why not?
Stay Tuned!
That’s right, we’re not done with this topic just yet, I have more research to share with you and more things to discuss!
Leave a comment letting me know your thoughts! I’ll either respond to your comment below or address your comment in a new post.
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References
Pappas, S. (2012, January 18). ‘Modern Family’ tot’s potty mouth no big deal, experts say. Retrieved from http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/18/10184299-modern-family-tots-potty-mouth-no-big-deal-experts-say
Posted on June 18, 2012 by Felicia
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Here’s a good one for you: My mom used to work in a grocery store, and one day (true story as well!) a parents came in with their kids. My mom and the parents were chatting as she rang up their groceries (she was a cashier) and all of a sudden the couple’s kid suddenly said: “What the hell?!!” and the parents (and my mom too,, I’m sure!) were just shocked and the parents (no doubt!) were embarrassed by their kids’ sudden use of a swear word… I sure as heck would be embarrassed if I were chatting with someone and my kid suddenly yelled out a swear word like that!!!!!!!! My first thought would have been: “Where on earth did he pick that up?!” It’s one of those situations where it’s funny but at the same time it’s not funny.
Very interesting, some amusing when you think about it, story. I’ve been in situations where children around me have let out a swear word and the younger they are, the more uncomfortable it seems to be. My neighbors had their grandson visiting with them a few years back (he was pretty young at the time) and the things that came out of that boy’s mouth made my jaw drop. I swear he was like three years old. If it was “hell” or “damn” would have been one thing, but it much worse than that. The thing was I knew where the child picked up those words, his family. They swore (and still do) all the time! That’s one big reason I hope to be out of my house by the time I have children. I don’t want my child picking up some (most) of the words they toss around on a daily basis. I’m not 100% opposed to children swearing, but the way they do it is just wrong.
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I tried not to swear in front of my children and to stop visitors from swearing in my house I had a swear box which helped
But as you said in your post the hear swear words every where schools shops even the play park
My daughter got so good about the swear box she would tell people off and charge them 10p
I have never heard any of my children swear yet and the youngest is nearly 20 so I must have done some thing right
Swear boxes, I’ve heard, work very well if you’re trying to stop yourself or others from swearing. I’ve slipped a couple of times when it comes to not swearing around my mother, but she just gives me a look and I smile innocently at her.
Kind of reminds me of what we used to do in our LD room in middle school. Only it wasn’t swearing per-se, it was a “shut up jar”. What happened was, every time you told somebody to “shut-up”, you had to bring ten cents to class the following day to put in the shut up jar, and if we’d raised enough money, we did something at the end of the year. Unfortunately, we never raised enough money..
I’ve never heard of a “shut-up jar” before. I think we could have used that in my school, haha.
Has anyone seen my dad?
Haha, does he swear a lot or not at all?
He’s probably leaving clouds of cursing behind him right now.
I do not really see a problem with having children swear. At the end of the day it is still just a word. It does not sound any worse than a word that is not classified as a swear. I have had the thought for a while… who decides what is a swear, why did they pick that word? I mean they could of picked any words to be a swear word. What makes it worse than another word?
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Roach! I have to agree with you–especially on “who decides what is a swear.” My husband and I have gotten into long conversations about this and I think that if society didn’t put so much weight on these words, they wouldn’t be seen as “bad.” It’s just a word, like you said.
I’ve got to say, I’ve been cussing more and more lately. But none of it has really been in a serious matter. I’ll be like, “Mother, (sarcasm alert) where did you put my damn keys?” and she’ll be like “Over there, wise guy.” But I would never go as far as cussing out a teacher or even my own mom. Or friends/family for that matter.
Great post. Highly agreed with all that you said. I was actually reading this sitting in a chinese buffet today and I heard this little kid saying “Shit. Shit. Shit.” and the mom was sitting there just laughing, not enforcing or harshness up on the child. It’s a true problem that our public schools are left to solve. Gosh. That’s another story. Sorry for going over board on this comment, haha. It’s just such a great post.
Thank you for your reply! It’s really great to hear your opinion on the topic and I’m glad you enjoyed this post. You’ll have to wait and see my follow-up post on this subject, I think some parts of it will certainly interest you. But you didn’t go overboard with your comment, I really enjoy reading people’s opinions on the topics I write about. I also kind of have to wonder what the culture of the family was that you saw at the buffet because it may also be a cultural thing as to if swearing is appropriate or not. And I’m rambling and what I’ve just said probably makes no sense at all because I’m rambling, lol. I’mma just be quiet now.
I know this isn’t going to make me popular, but my brother swears all the time, and he’s younger than thirteen years old. I don’t even get surprised if I hear him say a swear word at home. He knows very well that he should not say swear words when he’s at school or around unfamiliar people, but when he’s at home, you’d think that he’s a sailor! I see absolutely nothing wrong with it, although I’m sure many people would have a problem with it.
I think a lot of it has to do with how you’re brought up. In some families, like in my husband’s family, swearing is an every day occurrence despite your age. For example my nephew is 9 and that kid swears all over the place, probably similar to your brother, lol. In my family, swearing was kind of a “no-no,” but not so much that you got punished if you slipped. I think there are many reasons behind why people see swearing as a problem, but I think a big part of it may be because society as a whole has made it unacceptable. My husband has an entire spiel about it I believe, lol.
Very interesting post. My husband and I do not use swear words–period. None of our close friends use them either. It’s funny how swearing is all over TV, even on a show that is usually mild of itself. Because cursing is everywhere from TV to music and even from other kids, I definitely wouldn’t overreact if I heard one of my kids swear. I would use it as a teaching moment.
I don’t find swearing acceptable at all. We try very hard to live by the Bible’s words to “not let a rotten saying” come from our mouths. It’s not easy in the world we live in, but it’s also not impossible. Just my .02 cents. Visiting you from the crazy mama blog hop.
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Thank you for your comment, S. Franklin! I agree with you that if your child does swear and it isn’t something that you condone in your household that you should certainly use the opportunity to teach your child about swearing. Can you give an example of what you may say to your child if they were to ever swear around you? What would you say to them?
I certainly agree it’s not easy to “not let a rotten saying” come from our mouths in this world, but I think that some parents go a little too far when their children do curse. I’ve heard stories of parents literally washing their children’s mouths out with soap because they heard a new word, used it and turns out it was, in their household, considered a “bad word.” I think some of the punishments that parents go forward with are worse than the children actually swearing.
You meant “cussing” right? Anyway, I think its rather impolite for a child to do so in front of strangers.
Cursing, cussing, swearing are all synonymous. Why do you think that it’s impolite for children to swear in front of strangers? What are your thoughts on them swearing in front of those who aren’t strangers?
Well, I think it can hold the candle to the “cussing or swearing” in front of strangers. In my view at least. Its impolite to throw a temper tantrum or a hissy fit in front of guests ir visitors, because its going to humiliate or put down the host.
The problem with most people’s perspectives on cussing, cursing, or whatever the hell else you want to call it, is that they relate it solely to temper tantrums and the like. Temper tantrums, hissy fits, or fits of any kind, are separate things from cussing. Cussing, in its most base form, which is what is being discussed here, involves words, and words only carry weight that people attribute. There are far many other words that can do worse damage than throwing out the odd “hell,” “fuck” or “shit.” Cussing, when not intended to injure someone, should be in no way offensive.
The problem is that, some people will take offense on this anyway or despite the fact that its not meant to me.
Some people will take offense to the fact I am not heterosexual, but I won’t hide that either. Some people will take offense to the fact I was born in the American south, and I won’t hide that. I could go on, but the point is that there will always be people taking offense to something you do or do not do–for example, I somewhat take offense when people refuse to cuss, saying stuff like “darn” instead of “damn,” because to me that is the self-censorship. You cannot bend over backwards to please everyone. Just be yourself.
Very nice & sound advice, Tom. I shall take heed of it. Be yoursel, don’t hide, don’t seal yourself away from people & etc. But its such a hard thing to do.